Pity Party

Feb. 2nd, 2004 03:39 pm
femmasaurusrex: Photograph of a woman with long curly hair wearing glasses and a bulky sweater (stare)
[personal profile] femmasaurusrex
I was going to avoid lj altogether, just to see if anyone would notice I wasn't around. I don't really want to be making this update, either, but here i am. This depression is insane, and i can't stand it.

I fought with my father because he COMPLETELY misunderstood me and was cruel as a result. Then my mother called me and burst into tears again because she's stressed out, then my sister called me piss drunk from the strip club, telling me she was going to do a set and hope she didn't fall off the stage. After that, a friend online started badgering me about getting back into music, not comprehending that THAT is the one thing that tears me apart every day, and i can't stand to be around.

My birthday is soon, and i wish it would just hurry up and get over with. School is ridiculous, i've spent over $500 on books, and now i've just spent $90 for the illustrious privelege of parking on campus. There are NO job openings, I'm stressed out of my mind, I hate my family, they all hate me, and i've yet to meet anyone worth talking to on campus. Now all i have to ask myself is what the hell posessed me to attempt going back to college. I could've developed a suitably isolating pot habit, become an alcoholic, and been a malcontent in a shitty office job. At least then I'd have enough money to survive and the occasional shitty straight sex to keep me from losing my mind. Cuz lord knows there's not a girl out there who would date me, and all because of how fat i am.

I'm sick and tired of life, it's revolting to me, and everyone in it can go to hell for their closed-minded attitudes and ridiculous obsession with the societal norm of "pretty".

There now. Aren't you all glad I updated? I'm sure.

(no subject)

Date: 2004-02-02 12:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] drkangel150.livejournal.com
*many huggs*

(no subject)

Date: 2004-02-02 01:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] satanicharisma.livejournal.com
I'm not going to bore you with the "stock reassurance phrases" (TM)...because you've probably heard enough of them already and sometimes they do more simply to piss a person off than to help. But I believe you're doing the right thing by attending college, for what it's worth. It just may require a lot of time and patience, is all.

thats so weird

Date: 2004-02-02 01:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] beatmeister.livejournal.com
i was just thinking, hm, jen hasnt posted, she must be busy or must have grown up, so on a whim i hit refresh and bam! there was a skary post! indeed, so since you can hit me now i will say, how you like being a rookie? yeah you coulda done all that white trashy kinda of survival lifestyle but youre cut out for something other than that, hate life all you want but you know future isnt determined yet so you just gotta keep trying

hells yeah

Date: 2004-02-02 01:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ex-spicysk.livejournal.com
I always look forward to hearing from you. You're my friend you fat awesome bitch and I'm yours whether you like it or not! You consoled me about my Cat. I sent you something in the mail yesterday so you should get it this week. I need you around to teach me how to do my fucking hair, I'm sick of being retarded in that arena, so don't go getting yourself locked up for assaulting the jackasses on campus. lol Yeah I use you. You can use me if you want, too! :) Sorry about the stock but fuck you it's all true baby! Get over yourself and write me a letter snail mail. Send me naked pictures.

(no subject)

Date: 2004-02-02 04:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] insolent-angel.livejournal.com
Actually yes! I'm glad you updated. I'd rather hear you bitch and moan than hear nothing at all. Things will get better sweets. xxx

(no subject)

Date: 2004-02-02 07:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kidcadavereye.livejournal.com
i'm sorry honey... i hate to see my friends like this :(
maybe i could come up and visit you on sunday or something? (i could bring squyd!!)
just hang on *super hugs*

(no subject)

Date: 2004-02-02 10:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kleinevos.livejournal.com
*HUGS* I'm sorry to hear you are going through such a rough patch! *HUGS*

(no subject)

Date: 2004-02-03 09:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wbm.livejournal.com
hey babe... there's no such thing as shitty straight sex in the rawkstar world... you gotta hang with us sometime;)

(no subject)

Date: 2004-02-04 07:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] phaedra-scythe.livejournal.com
Aw honey, no. How many times do we all have to tell you how sexy you are for you to believe it? And stick insects aren't for dating, they're for snapping and squishing ;p

I think the trick is you need to keep yourself really social and keep working hard at that to begin with at college. I don't know if it's true there, but it's the time when all kinds of new social groups are being formed and you need to keep your hand in. I know it's hard, but I believe there'll be a lot of nice people waiting for you.

My friend went to uni and never left her room or spoke to anyone because she was too shy. She ended up isolating herself so much that she stopped even going out to go to classes. Only leaving her room to buy booze. She made herself a wreck and had to go home.

I'm not saying that'll happen to you, but it shows how important it is to have faith and keep smiling for just a little while at least.

It's a difficult period of adjustment for you I know. But don't give up just yet. I know I'd want you in my life.
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