femmasaurusrex: Photograph of a woman with long curly hair wearing glasses and a bulky sweater (blind)
[personal profile] femmasaurusrex
I am officially a stupid asshole. I tried to be cool and just hang out today. Kris called and asked if I wanted to go to dinner at the dining hall, and maybe meet Ancil. So I showed up and it was just her, guess Ancil didn't make it. Anywho, Amy showed up and sat with us, which is cool. Amy's a nice girl. Then we decided to have movie night (sans alcohol, since last night was really really bad. I fell, and Kris ended up in a snowbank). We (amy, kris and I) watched "bound" and then "but I'm a cheerleader". Everything was fine until the damned movies. I was being cool, and recovered nicely from her remarking during dinner that I thought she was hot, and so I was biased. Nice to know I'm so easily caught. :P

Anyway, I can only watch so many love stories before I start getting worked up over the fact that I haven't got one. Anyway, she offered to let me read her short story, which was written about her and Nikki. I declined, but promised I would read it next time I was over. As masochistic as I'm being about this whole thing, I'm still not THAT bad. And to top it all off, I saw the cutest dog today while I was doing my laundry, the friendliest yellow lab ever! Since she reminded me of my dog, I went and petted her on her adorable head, and smiled when she licked my hand. Turns out it's Nikki's dog, it's just that someone else was walking her.

So what the hell is wrong with me. Why can't I just suck it up and deal with it? I mean, it's not like I haven't dealt with that whole "unrequited" thing before. I mean.... duh. That's what ALL of high school was like for me, and Kris is borderline obsessed with Nikki. They're really cute together, and totally happy, so what is my mind not understanding about that? Why do I have this ridiculous urge to try and wedge myself in where i'm neither expected, nor welcome? ugh, i disgust myself.

Well, hopefully I'll find some way to deal with this, it's just freaking hard right now.


on a good note, I bought Kris' graphing calculator for $40. She was going to give it me for $20, but i really couldn't accept that. I mean, it's a $90 calculator!!! :)


And because I feel like quoting lyrics:

Creep Lyrics

When you were here before, couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel, your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fucking special

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts, I want to have control
I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice, when I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here, ohhh ohhhh

She's running out again....
She's running out, she's run, run, run, run....run....

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special
But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't belong here



Yes. I want her to notice when I'm not around, I wish I was special, but I don't belong here.
From:
Anonymous( )Anonymous This account has disabled anonymous posting.
OpenID( )OpenID You can comment on this post while signed in with an account from many other sites, once you have confirmed your email address. Sign in using OpenID.
User
Account name:
Password:
If you don't have an account you can create one now.
Subject:
HTML doesn't work in the subject.

Message:

 
Notice: This account is set to log the IP addresses of everyone who comments.
Links will be displayed as unclickable URLs to help prevent spam.

Profile

femmasaurusrex: Photograph of a woman with long curly hair wearing glasses and a bulky sweater (Default)
femmasaurusrex

July 2009

S M T W T F S
   1234
5 67891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
262728293031 

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Sep. 20th, 2017 08:13 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios